Thursday, February 19

I'm pregnant. And no one is more surprised than me!

And to clarify, this wasn't a little "surprise". 

I guess I have some 'splaining to do, don't I?

When our sweet boy was less than six months old, I declared we were "done."  Keep in mind I was still getting used to being a mom to two littles, still a little bit postpartum AND a lotta bit tired AND overwhelmed by the day to day.  Not to mention the shear strong will of my precious four year girl. Combine that with breastfeeding every few hours and when the question would come if we were having any more, my immediate response was, "Oh, no! We are definitely DONE." 

But then wouldn't you know it, I had this guy living here (my husband) and I hadn't really given a thought to what his opinion was in terms of being done with having any more children.  #marriagecommunicationfail

We I even went as far as sending Craig to the "big V" consultation.  Because I was SO sure.  And he was so NOT sure, but he also knew there was still time to back out, if needed.  I mean, the consult is just that.  The big snip comes later--at the next appointment.

And the next appointment?  It never happened.  

And then I started to have all these quiet little whispers.  But amongst those quiet whispers, I also had some loud internal arguements with said whispers.

"We can hardly afford the two we already have."

"Money doesn't grow on trees, Jackie."

"I am not having another child at 36 years old.  Not to mention Hubs will be 39. Thirty-NINE!!!!!"

"We will have to buy a new car.  We CANNOT afford a new car."   

"The kids rooms are tiny as they will one of them share.....?"

"What about tuition?"  I mean, one child in private school is already a STRETCH.  Two was mind boggling.  Three?  Yeah, right.

All this without mentioning (but I will anyway):  The desire to private school = first world problem.

Hubs and I went round and round about it.  And round and round some more.  He is the optimist. I am the pessimist realist.  He sees the joy in the having three sweet kids that are just as much of a blessing as the bible promises they are.  While I see the three little blessings, I also see diapers, braces, and college tuition--plus, I KNOW what our checkbook looks like each month.

But then in my nightly blog reading one evening, I came across this post COMPLETELY at random. It's not a blog I normally read and to be honest, I don't even really remember how I got to it.  But I do know I wasn't googling "assurances when adding additional babies in your family." And the post voiced all those worries I had of adding another to our family.  Practical reasons at that--but the post was convicting all the same. 

Then about six months ago (shortly after I read the above post), I had a conversation with my mom.  And my mom (who is just as much of a planner as I am, but who has also gained some wisdom along the way) chastised me for only trusting God as far as I could see. And funny enough, she doesn't even remember having that conversation.  But I do.

Then I went to my sweet friend's baby shower last fall, for you guessed it, their third little baby.

And at said shower, I had a conversation with my friend's mom {a mama of three!} and her friend from church who had just had her third little--advanced maternal age and all.

So we stopped our prevention methods (ahem.....) and figured if God wanted it to happen, He would allow it to happen.

The last little reassurance came when I had a conversation with my Aunt around Thanksgiving.  I think I was actually already (?) pregnant at this point and she was telling me all her reasons for why we should have at least one more--of course she was telling me from experience, as she is also a mama of three herself!  

Fast forward to today, and I am right at about 13 weeks.  We are very excited--despite my small amount of apprehension (it's HARD to let go of that control you think you have!).   I am feeling well overall.  Just the standard tiredness--but that is most likely from not getting to bed on time.  #doasisaynotasido

And here I am having a child at advanced maternal age and eating my 23 year old self's words--"Mom!  I am NOT going to have kids into my late thirties!"  Ha!

Who says God doesn't have a sense of humor or that He can't change someone's heart??



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